Why We Over-Explain (And How to Stop Doing It)

Have you ever left a conversation wondering how a simple point turned into a long explanation, followed by clarification and then justification? You knew what you wanted to say, yet somewhere along the way the message expanded, as if you were trying to make it feel safer or more complete.

Over-explaining is rarely about poor clarity. It usually comes from doubt. We start questioning whether the other person understands us, agrees with us, or sees us as we intended. That uncertainty feels uncomfortable, so we keep talking to regain control of the moment.

Listeners often pick up on that doubt. When someone over-explains, it can sound like self-justification or second-guessing. Even a strong message can lose impact when the delivery lacks confidence.

How culture influences communication and over-explaining

Confidence is not the only factor here. Culture shapes how we communicate far more than we often realise.

In The Culture Map, Erin Meyer explains how communication styles differ across cultures. In lower-context, more direct cultures, people value clarity and brevity. Saying exactly what you mean tends to signal confidence and competence. In higher-context or more indirect cultures, meaning sits in tone, relationship, and shared understanding, so messages are shaped with greater care.

If you grew up or worked in a more indirect environment, over-explaining can feel polite and considerate. You may see it as a way to show respect, avoid offence, or preserve harmony. In more direct workplace cultures, however, that same behaviour can land differently. What feels thoughtful to one person may sound hesitant to another, and what feels thorough can come across as uncertainty.

The Curse of Knowledge

Alongside culture, cognitive biases often fuel over-explaining. Psychologists call it the Curse of Knowledge.

In Made to Stick, Chip and Dan Heath describe how hard it is to remember what it feels like not to know something once you know it well. Deep expertise makes it harder to judge how much context someone else actually needs.

Many people respond by adding more detail than the moment requires. They share background, caveats, and side explanations to close the gap between what they know and what the other person knows. The intention is helpful, but the result is often overload. Instead of clarifying the message, the extra detail weighs it down.

Strong communicators translate their knowledge rather than transferring it wholesale. They decide what the other person needs in order to move forward and trust that saying less can be more effective.

Common triggers that lead to over-explaining at work

To change the habit, it helps to notice what triggers it.

For some people, fear of being misunderstood drives them to cover every possible angle. Others start over-explaining when they sense resistance and try to persuade through volume rather than structure. In emotionally charged situations, people often explain themselves pre-emptively instead of listening and responding.

Rushing makes this worse. When pressure builds to answer quickly, people speak before shaping the message, and then keep talking to repair it. A short pause can shift the tone entirely and give your response more authority.

How assertive communication helps you stop over-explaining

Often, over-explaining is driven by how we think we are being perceived. We want to sound competent, reasonable, and likeable, and when that feels uncertain, we compensate by saying more. Assertive communication shifts this dynamic by helping you rely less on external validation and more on internal clarity.

Being assertive does not mean being blunt or inflexible. It means being clear about what you think, feel, or need, while still respecting the other person. When you communicate assertively, you state your message once, calmly and directly, without cushioning it excessively or justifying it in advance.

This is also where apologetic language often creeps in. Many people soften their message with unnecessary apologies, not because they have done something wrong, but to sound polite, to fill a silence, or to reduce the risk of disagreement. Phrases like “sorry to interrupt”, “sorry, just to clarify”, or “sorry if this doesn’t make sense” subtly undermine authority and fuel the urge to keep explaining.

Removing unnecessary apologies helps your message stand on its own. It allows you to separate clarity from agreement, and confidence from approval. You can be clear without knowing how the other person will respond, and you can state a perspective, boundary, or idea without apologising for taking up space.

Assertive communication also means trusting your message enough to let it land. That might mean ending a sentence and resisting the impulse to add a qualifier, or answering a question simply and waiting to see if more is actually needed. Over time, this builds confidence on both sides, because people learn that when you speak, your words are intentional and considered.

Over-explaining often comes from good intentions. Awareness is the first step in changing it.